THE QUESTIONS THEMSELVES
We are born into this mystery. Why
are we here? What is the purpose of our life? What are we supposed to do? The
most important questions may not have answers. It is the questions themselves
that guide us and inspire us.
“Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love
the questions themselves.”
- Rainer Maria
Rilke
Every year I send Lent Reflections
on a given theme: silence, imperfection, transformation, letting do. This year
the theme is questions.
What is most unresolved in your
heart?
LETTING THE ANSWER APPEAR
The first rule of answering, if
there is one, is to wait. The part of our brain that has the “right” answer for
everything is a dull place, built of endless chains of associations, everything
we knew in the past. This knowing may be factually correct but there’s a
problem with it. It is dead.
To touch something that is alive and
authentic, calls for a search: “Is this really true right now?” But waiting
even a split second takes courage. Dare I search in myself for what is more
true? What if nothing arises? Never fear, there is a deeper wisdom in each of
us, and it needs space, trust, and little time to appear.
- Lillian Firestone
Do I know how to have real conversation?
KNOW THYSELF
In the courtyard of the Oracle of
Delphi was a single inscription: Know Thyself. Those who would receive divine
guidance must first look within and consider themselves.
Yet what is the self? Every moment,
a river of images, thoughts, and feelings pours through us. Can we remember who
we were and what we experienced on a single day ten years ago? Surely we lived
it once, but the memories dissolve back into the current. Ten years from now,
the self we are today will be lost. We exist in flux, and every moment is
fleeting. Whether we choose to or not, we are constantly changing.
Are you open to change?
SILENCE
Contemplatives of every age and
every religion have always sought the silence of the wilderness. Jesus himself
lived for forty days in complete solitude. And we too are called to withdraw
into a deep silence from time to time. Not with our books, our thoughts, and
our memories, but completely naked in God’s presence – silent, empty,
motionless, waiting.
Look at nature: the trees, flowers,
grasses all grow in silence; the stars, the moon, the sun all move in silence.
In the silence of the world, God is listening. And in the silence of the heart,
God will speak.
- St. Teresa
of Calcutta
Where do you find silence?
TEA CUP
Nan-in, a Japanese master, received
a university professor who came to inquire about Zen. Nan-in served tea. He
poured his visitor's cup full, and then kept on pouring. The professor watched
the overflow until he no longer could restrain himself. "It is overfull.
No more will go in!"
"Like this cup," Nan-in
said, "you are so full of your own opinions and speculations. How can I
show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?"
Am I open to learn?
GO WITHIN
Therefore, my dear friend, I know of
no other advice than this: Go within and scale the depths of your being from
which your very life springs forth. At its source you will find the answer to
the question…
- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a
Young Poet
THE ORACLE
The ancient Greeks were obsessed
with questions. Their philosophers endlessly debated every aspect of existence.
They even questioned the gods. On consultation day, they flocked to the Oracle
of Delphi, nestled on holy Mt. Parnassus in central Greece. They came to ask
every possible question: Should we go to war? How will I die? Will there be a
good harvest? Where are my lost sheep? Is the baby mine?
The Priestess of the Oracle would
hear each question and then retreat to a secret chamber where she would receive
answers in cryptic visions. In classic Greek style, the answers to the
questions often led the seekers into the very tragedy that they were trying to
avoid. Is it better not to know?
What would you ask the Oracle?
IMPERFECTION
We thrive when we have purpose, when
we still have more to do. Deliberate incompleteness has long been part of
creation … In Navajo culture some craftsmen and women sought imperfection,
giving their textiles an intended flaw called a “spirit line” so that there is
a reason to continue making work. Nearly a quarter of Navajo rugs have these
contrasting-color threads that run from the inner pattern out beyond the border
that contains it. The imperfection is meant to give the weaver’s spirit a way
out, to prevent it from getting trapped in a single pattern and reaching a
premature end.
- Sarah Lewis
What is imperfect in your life?
BRING FORTH WHAT IS WITHIN YOU
If you bring forth what is within
you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is
within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.
-The Gospel of
Thomas
Do I have the courage to bring forth everything within me?
DON’T BE FRIGHTENED
We must always trust in the
difficult, then what appears to us as the most frightening will become our most
intimate and trusted experience. How could we forget those ancient myths about
dragons that at the last moment are transformed into princesses? Perhaps all
the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act,
just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in
its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love. So don't be
frightened, dear friend, if sadness or anxiety casts a shadow over your life.
Something is happening within you. Remember that life has not forgotten you. It
holds you in its hand and will not let you go. And after all, why would you
want to live without pain and unease? You don't yet know what mysterious work
these feelings are accomplishing inside you.
- Rainer Maria
Rilke
Letters to a
Young Poet
What is your deepest fear?
WILL YOU EVER BE FULFILLED?
To my soul: Are you ever going to
achieve goodness? Ever going to be simple, whole, and naked—as plain to see as
the body that contains you? Know what an affectionate and loving disposition
would feel like? Ever be fulfilled, ever stop desiring—lusting and longing for
people and things to enjoy? Or for more time to enjoy them? Or for some other
place or country—“a more temperate clime”? Or for people easier to get along
with? And instead be satisfied with what you have, and accept the present—all
of it. And convince yourself that everything is the gift of the gods, that
things are good and always will be, whatever they decide and have in store for
the preservation of that perfect entity—good and just and beautiful, creating
all things, connecting and embracing them, and gathering in their separated fragments
to create more like them. Will you ever take your stand as a fellow citizen
with gods and human beings, blaming no one and deserving no one’s blame?
- Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
THE BURIAL
I buried my father in India. His
coffin arrived at the Delhi airport in the middle of the night. We drove it
through the empty streets to the graveyard. The gravediggers were already
there, waiting. Stray dogs and crows lurked in the dark shadows of the graves.
My father was wrapped in a white cloth. When we lowered his body into the
earth, it looked like an enormous seed.
Within the darkness and pain of loss
is a seed that is planted in our hearts. Only we can decide what grows from it.
We must water it with our tears, but a seed also needs light and hope to grow.
We must trust that it will one day bloom.
What is still buried in your heart?
THE HEART IS LIKE A GARDEN
When you plant lettuce, if it does
not grow well, you don't blame the lettuce. You look for reasons it is not
doing well. It may need better soil, or more water, or less sun. You never
blame the lettuce. Yet when we have problems with our friends or family, we
blame the other person. If we knew how to take care of them, they would grow well,
like the lettuce.
Blaming has no benefit at all, nor
does trying to persuade using reason and argument. That is my experience. No
blame, no reasoning, no argument, just understanding. If you understand, and
you show that you understand, you can love, and the situation will change.
- Thich Nhat Hanh
The heart is like a garden. It can grow compassion or fear, resentment or
love. What seeds will you plant today?
THE BUTTERFLY
One spring, a girl was in the garden
and she found a cocoon. Inside was a butterfly struggling to break free. For
hours she watched it straining its tiny limbs against the walls, making no
progress. And she cried for the little creature.
Finally the girl went inside and found
some scissors. She quickly cut an opening in the cocoon and the butterfly
emerged easily - too easily. It looked strange: body swollen, wings shriveled.
It would never fly.
Years later, she understood that the
butterfly needs to struggle. The work of straining against its cocoon allows it
to grow wings and become its true self.
What are you struggling with?
THE FUTURE
To live in this world, you must be able to do three things: to love what
is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go.
- Mary Oliver
I remember my father, a twinkle in
his eye as he told me: The pull of the future is stronger than the push of the
past. The world will continue to grow and change and so will we. Whether we
chose to or not, we will be transformed a thousand times.
Can I learn to love change?
QUESTION EVERYTHING
Children ask the best questions.
They are curious about everything.
So I asked my students what
questions they have.
Seventh Grade:
Who will win the next election?
Will we ever live on another planet?
Who will I become?
Second Grade:
When I grow up will the world be full of trash because of littering?
Will the earth ever explode?
Is there a way my dog can come back to life?
Twelfth Grade:
Will I always love what I love now?
Are humans born good or evil?
Will I ever fall in love?
Why is it so difficult to be alone?
THE QUESTIONS THEMSELVES
You are so young, so much before all
beginning, and I would like to beg you, dear friend, as well as I can, to have
patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the
questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very
foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you
now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live
everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future,
you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.
Perhaps you do carry within you the possibility of creating and forming, as an
especially blessed and pure way of living; train yourself for that but take
whatever comes, with great trust, and as long as it comes out of your will, out
of some need of your innermost self, then take it upon yourself, and don't hate
anything.
- Rainer Maria Rilke
THE SPARROW
When I was a child, my parents took
me on a trip to Greece. We were on the island of Patmos — one hill topped by a
village of little white houses nestled beneath the walls of an old monastery.
That evening we walked to a café. As we made our way through the winding
streets, I happened to look down to see a tiny bird, dying. I don’t know how it
got there. It might have been hit by a car or flown into a window. But there it
was, wings broken, gasping for breath.
Unable to leave the little sparrow,
I carefully picked it up and brought it to the restaurant. We sat outside and
our meal took a long time to arrive. All the while, I held the bird and watched
the final moments of its life. It was so tiny and fragile. A bundle of delicate
feathers and broken bones, with miniature feet and a small sharp beak, which
opened and closed in painful exaggerated breaths. There was no way it could
survive and nothing I could do to repair it. But I would not leave it. I felt
that I could at least witness its tiny lonely death.
In the gospels, Jesus tells his
disciples, “Not one sparrow falls to the ground without God knowing.”
How could God allow so much suffering?
THE UNNAMEABLE SPEAKS
Who questions my wisdom? Were you
there when I planned the heavens and the earth? When I gathered the morning
stars together and the angels singing.
Were you there when I held the
waters, as they flowed from the womb? When I wrapped the ocean in clouds and
the sea in shadows.
Have you guided the dawn across the
sky? Have you walked through the depths of the ocean? Have you stood at the
gates of death? Have you seen to the edge of the universe?
-The Book of Job
SHINING THROUGH
The world is transparent and the
divine is shining through all the time. You do not need to know what is
happening, or where it is all going. What you need to recognize are the
possibilities and challenges offered by the present moment, and to embrace them
with courage, faith, and hope.
- Thomas
Merton
Can I be okay with not knowing what is going to happen?
TRULY OPEN
We can’t have empathy for another
person until we have made a space in our lives where empathy can thrive. And
that means being open - truly open - to feeling emotions we may not want to
feel. It means allowing another’s experiences to gut us. It means losing
control. Empathy begins with vulnerability. And being vulnerable, especially at
work, is terrifying.
– Sara Wachter-Boettcher
THE COURAGE OF THE SEED
All the buried seeds
crack open in the dark, the instant they surrender to a process they can’t see.
And this innate surrender allows everything edible and fragrant to break ground
into a life we call spring. In nature, we are quietly given countless models of
how to give ourselves over to what appears dark and hopeless, but which is
ultimately an awakening beyond all imagining.
- The Book of Awakening
What is growing inside of you?
STAY AWAKE
After the last supper,
Jesus and his disciples found a moonlit garden to spend the night. Knowing that
it was their last time together before his death, Jesus made a final request of
his devoted friends: "Stay awake with me!" They tried, but they fell
asleep and a company of Roman soldiers entered the garden and captured Jesus.
Stay awake to the
outer world and the inner life. Stay open to every experience and every
feeling, even those that are the most difficult to bear.
Tell me, what else
should I have done?
Doesn’t everything die
at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
With your one wild and
precious life?
- Mary Oliver
THE CHRYSALIS
Midway through life, the caterpillar withdraws into a chrysalis. After two
weeks of mysterious transformation, it emerges as a butterfly. Peering inside,
we might expect to see the caterpillar growing and changing. Instead we see
something far more terrifying, beautiful, and inexplicable.
The caterpillar disintegrates. It dissolves its entire body—head, tail,
limbs, every organ—into a liquid pool of cells. And then, unbelievably, it
reforms as a butterfly, with new limbs, wings and antennae, and a more
developed brain, which somehow preserves the old memories.
Early naturalists saw two creatures: the caterpillar that dies and the
butterfly that is born. In fact it is a single being that is capable of this
existential change. Buried in every cell of the caterpillar, hidden and
unmanifested, is the code for its future self. And only after the caterpillar
has completely broken down its old self can it realize its new form.
What does it feel like to go through such a transformation?
MORNING
In the early morning, when the
machines are still asleep, before our daily lives have begun, there is a
silence. Whether we turn outward or inward we are immersed in this gentle
presence, this beautiful silence that asks nothing of us, and allows us to be
ourselves. Not the selves we were yesterday or last year. Our true self at this
moment.
And then we are joined by our
friends: the morning stars, the call of bird songs, our children waking up to a
new day.
Will I learn to listen?
LISTEN
Voices. Voices. Listen, my heart, as only saints have listened, until the
gigantic call lifted them off the ground, yet they kept on, impossibly, kneeling
and didn't notice at all: so complete was their listening. Not that we can bear
God's voice – not by far. But listen to the voice of the wind and the endless message, that forms
itself out of silence.
- Rainer Maria Rilke
ONE LIFE
We have descended from the stars. We have evolved through the forms of
thousands upon thousands of animals. We have passed through the lives of our
ancestors, our grandparents, and our parents. And now we are finally born into
this one moment of existence. We have this one chance. We have this one life.
How am I going to spend my one life?
FREEDOM
One Palm Sunday I went to mass inside San Quentin. The prisoners filled the pews in their blue jumpsuits. I wore a fancy
sports coat. The chapel was adorned with palm leaves and the choir sang a hymn
in Spanish: “Dios mío, Dios mío, ¿por qué me has abandonado?" My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? The
prisoners know they are not free in this world, and so they seek spiritual
freedom.
Most of us on the outside enjoy the freedom to do whatever we want, yet we
are still bound by our own fears and expectations. We still hide parts of
ourselves from ever being seen, accepted, or forgiven. In order to be truly
free, we must have the courage to be our authentic self in the world, to see
and be seen for who we truly are. And then, as Christ said, “the truth shall
set you free.”
THE LOTUS AND THE MUD
The most beautiful lotus
flower grows from the deepest mud. When the flower dies it becomes compost again.
Happiness and suffering are ever changing. Happiness becomes suffering. And
suffering can become happiness again.
- Thich Nhat Hanh
Can I be open to all
my feelings?
DO YOU LOVE ME?
In the Gospel of John, Jesus asks
his disciple three times:
Do you love me? Do you love me? Do you love me?
These same words echo in every human heart. Our deepest longing is not to
be admired, but to be loved. To be witnessed as we truly are. Only love can cut
through all our defenses and enter the most inner part of our heart. Only love
can reveal our true self.
We do not believe in ourselves until someone
reveals that something deep inside us is valuable,
worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our
touch.
Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity,
wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience
that reveals the human spirit.
- E. E.
Cummings
RESURRECTION
There are many words
for resurrection. The Greek word, egersis,
also means awakening. Jesus calls prayer watchfulness or wakefulness, and even
on the eve of his crucifixion, he pleads with his disciples to stay awake. But
they fall asleep and he is led off to his death and the darkness of the tomb.
Three days later, he awakens to eternal life.
The promise of
resurrection is written in all of nature. Everything is born and dies, and yet
is eternal. The moon fades each month, disappears for three days (the same
three days Jesus spends in the tomb), and then returns to life, first as a
sliver and then full of light. Plants and animals that have slept through the
winter awaken in the spring.
Awakening is a
process. A seed must be planted in the darkness of the earth in order to open
its tender inner world. Sometimes we, too, must give ourselves completely to
that which seems dark and hopeless. Only then can we crack open and awaken to a
new season of life.
THE SPRINGTIME
Yes! The springtime needs you. Often a star is waiting for you to notice
it. A wave rolls toward you from the distant past.
Or as you walk under an open window, the sound of a violin calls out to
you. All of this is a mission. But can you recognize it?
Or are you constantly distracted by
your expectations?
Rainer Maria Rilke
Duino Elegies
THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT
According to the butterfly effect, one small event, such as a butterfly
flapping its wings, can result in widespread consequences, like a thunderstorm.
Everything we do matters. Everything we think and feel influences the world
around us.
How would you like to affect the world?
THE BODHISATTVA
In the Buddhist tradition, there are Bodhisattvas, spirits of compassion that
travel the celestial worlds. One Bodhisattva has placed himself in the lowest
hell. He will remain there in the darkness for thousands of generations. He
will not leave until everyone else makes it out.
There is so much suffering in life: pain, illness, loss, guilt, sadness.
But no matter how dark the ordeal, we are never alone. There is always a spirit
of compassion in the darkness. And sometimes, we must be that Bodhisattva.
THE HOSPITAL
So all of us went to the hospital. Our father was in a ward. We had arrived
too early and had to wait. Vaguely depressed by the smell of sickness and disinfectant
that all hospitals have, we sat in a corridor downstairs for upwards of half an
hour. I hid my face in a blanket and cried.
We were completely helpless. There was nothing anyone could do. What could
we make of so much suffering? Try to avoid it, if you could. But you must
eventually reach the point where you can’t avoid it anymore. The more you try
to avoid suffering, the more you suffer. We must accept suffering. We must make
it holy.
-Thomas Merton
DEAD BRANCHES
As every gardener
knows, removing dead branches helps a plant grow. Lent is a season of letting
go. The purpose is to look at ourselves openly and honestly. And decide what we
must give up in order to be truly alive.
What must I let go?
LIBERATION
To forgive another person from the heart is an act of liberation. We set
that person free from the anger we feel towards them. But we also free
ourselves from the burden of being the offended one. The temptation is to cling
to anger and then define ourselves as being offended and wounded. Forgiveness,
therefore, liberates not only the other but also ourselves.
-
Henri Nouwen
Have I forgiven others? Have I forgiven myself?
THE MIGRATION
In December of 1833, Charles Darwin’s ship sailed from the muddy stream of
the Rio Plata and out to sea. One evening, when the ship was some miles off the
coast of Patagonia, they came upon a large flock of butterflies. The creatures landed
on the ship in great numbers, covering the sails and rigging with fluttering
wings. The crew stood in amazement, as they too were covered with butterflies.
After an hour or so the wind picked up and blew the flock along.
As Darwin observed, these creatures have performed their great migrations
for thousands of years. Before any humans populated the Americas, these
delicate creatures, which represent the soul in mythology, flew in great flocks
on their seasonal journey. For the last several years their numbers have fallen
dramatically. Their nesting grounds are almost empty. They are disappearing
from our land.
OPENING
God breaks the heart again and
again, until it stays open.
- Hazrat Inayat Khan
ELEGY
Someday, emerging at last from this fierce vision, let me sing out joy and
praise to assenting angels. Let not even one of the clearly struck hammers of
my heart fail to sound because of doubt, slack, or a broken string. Let my
joyfully streaming face make me more radiant. Let my hidden weeping arise and
blossom.
How dear you’ll be to me then, you nights of anguish. Why didn’t I kneel
more deeply to accept you, inconsolable sisters, and surrendering, lose myself
in your loosened hair.
How we squander our nights of pain. How we try to gaze beyond them to see
if they have an end. Though they are really our winter enduring evergreen, one
season in our inner time.
- Rainer Maria Rilke
ALL IN THE WAITING
Jesus is alone in his
death. In the garden in the night, he pleads, “The sorrow in my heart is so
great that it almost crushes me. Stay awake with me.” But his disciples fall
asleep, and the soldiers come and arrest him.
His friends don’t even
have the courage to admit they knew him. They betray him, deny him, and hide as
their beloved teacher is sentenced to death. The people of Jerusalem, who
cheered as he entered the holy city, now mock him as he is led through the same
streets.
He is hung from a cross
with unknown thieves. It is a dark afternoon. And in his pain he cries out, “My God, why have you forsaken me?”
... I said to my soul, be still, and wait
without hope
For hope would
be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love
For love would
be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith
But the faith
and the love and the hope are all in the waiting.
–
T.S. Elliot
Four Quartets
GENESIS
Each one of the countless atoms that make up our bodies has its own
history. They once made up the bodies of Buddha, Socrates and Jesus, as well as
millions of Stone Age hunters and prehistoric birds, fish and ferns. When we
die, they all return to the soil to await a new life. Dust you are and to dust
you will return.
Atoms are bound into molecules, which are organized into cells, which are
layered into living creatures. Life is a sequence of structures, each nested
upon a previous one. Cells arise from previous cells. Creatures emerge from
previous creatures. Every living cell, every being, is embedded in the previous
form.
Our parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents live on in us as a
living transmission. Every being is part of this transmission, which leads back
to the very origins of life. Yet every human being still begins as a single
cell, a seed that contains the entire tree of life.
Are we all one being?
TWO MOMENTS
There are two moments that matter. One is when you know that your one and
only life is absolutely valuable and sacred. The other is when you know your
life, as presently lived, is entirely pointless and empty. You need both of
them to keep you going in the right direction. Lent is about both.
-
Richard Rohr
What would it take for you to be fully alive?
XLV Friday
DAILY REFLECTION
When you arise in the
morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to
think, to enjoy, to love. Concentrate every minute on doing what’s in front of
you with precise and genuine seriousness, tenderly, willingly, with justice,
and on freeing yourself from all other distractions. You see how few things you
have to do to live a satisfying and reverent life? Just that you do the right
thing. The rest doesn't matter: cold or warm, tired or well-rested, despised or
honored. Before long, all existing things will be transformed, to rise like smoke
(assuming all things become one), or be dispersed in fragments...to move from
one unselfish act to another with God in mind.
-
Marcus Aurelius
XLVI Saturday
LET EVERYTHING HAPPEN
God speaks to each of us as he makes us, then walks with us silently out of the night.
God speaks to each of us as he makes us, then walks with us silently out of the night.
These are the words we dimly hear:
You, sent out beyond your recall, go
to the limits of your longing. Embody me. Flare up like flame and make big shadows I can
move in.
Let everything happen to you: beauty
and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final. Don't let yourself lose me.
Nearby is the country they call
life. You will know it by its seriousness.
Give me your hand.
- Rainer Maria Rilke Book of Hours
EASTER
This
is the first, the wildest and the wisest thing I know: that the soul exists and
is built entirely out of attentiveness.
- Mary Oliver
May you uncover all that is hidden within you. Keep
seeking, listening, feeling, and questioning. Stay awake.
With blessings and love,
Mirza
